“I don’t know exactly what he did, but ever since he was here, my screen has new stuff on it and the button I push for The Google is gone. I know for a fact that it used to be right there in the corner and now there is something else that was never there before. I think it’s a virus. Also, it makes a humming sound now.”
These are the words of frustrated retiree Iris Smolger. Iris claims that her son-in-law, Joseph, offered to help her with a small problem a few weeks ago and now everything has gone to hell. “He was only on the machine for a few minutes. I needed someone to help me find the internet, because my neighbor made it move to different spot when she was trying to look at a video of her Grandson’s circumcision. “I don’t know much, but I knew where the internet was, and poof…it was gone.”
Barbara, the accused neighbor, could not be reached for comment, but anonymous sources in their Arizona retirement community confirmed that Barbara did not own a computer and was “constantly requesting to read new Facebooks” on other residents’ computers. “Barbara doesn’t even know about The Google, so it’s hard to come down to her level. She’s kind of a dumbass.” said one 87 year old resident, sympathetically.
Joseph was able to help Iris locate the internet button in a different location 2 inches lower than its previous spot, but Iris noticed it was missing again the next day. According to Iris, her son-in-law “kept babbling about browsing around and a different internet other than the “e” internet and then left.” When asked if she’d be willing to ask her son-in-law to help her find the internet again, she stated “I don’t want to make him think less of himself because he doesn’t know what he’s doing. I mean, even my older friends and neighbors know that there’s only one internet and it’s the lowercase “e” internet. I wouldn’t want to embarrass him.”
We wanted to understand her struggle, so we asked if she could show us some of the issues she’s having. She was more than happy to skillfully guide us through her process. After turning on the computer, she showed us the problem. “The big blue “e” used to be right here and now there’s this recycle thingy. After Barbara used my computer, I found the “e” down here, but now, since my daughters’ genius husband made it disappear completely, I might as well throw this damn thing in the ocean. I tried to give it away, but my girlfriends say that the humming sound might be a virus, so I shouldn’t give it to anyone.”
Joseph refused to comment for this story.