Monthly Archives: December 2014

Dad excited to teach young daughter about Hell.


It’s hard to find many rites of passage for young kids these days.  Those moments of learning something new and being old enough to embrace it are some of my greatest memories growing up.  However, nowadays, it seems like kids just don’t get those great, life changing moments anymore.  Parents seem to be sugar coating all of the great life lessons that we have cherished for generations.

Of course, most kids still get to take that first step, and learn to use the potty, but I’m talking about rites of passage that really make a kid feel like they’ve grown up and are ready to face the world.  That’s why I can’t wait to tell my daughter about Hell.

I can already hear what you’re going to say.  “Jim, don’t you think they will learn about Hell on their own, or maybe get the information from someone at school?”  Sure, I suppose that may happen, but I don’t think kids get the full story that way.   I got the full story from my father when I was young and it meant the world to me.  Therefore, I want to be the one to tell her that she’s going to burn in a fiery pit and be tortured for all eternity if she doesn’t believe what I tell her to believe.  What parent would want to miss an opportunity to bond with your child over something so universally true?

The fact that many parents want to miss or skip this beautiful experience is beyond me.    I think parents are missing out on a wonderful opportunity to explain the hellish consequences of learning about your body, or listening to hip-hop music.   I remember crying all night after the first time I had the urge to touch myself after I went to bed.  Luckily, I already knew the torture awaiting me if I acted on that urge and I thank my Dad to this day for that wonderful moment of pain, suffering, and guilt.  Why would I not want to give my child the same learning experiences!

Parents, please don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to tell you children about Hell, it’s reality, and how to avoid it.   It’s a wonderful growing up experience that you should have together.    I plan on recording the moment on video so that my daughter and I can enjoy it for years to come.  I encourage you to do the same thing.  Believe me, you’ll thank be for it when you go back and watch it together as a family.

New Study finds that men who display names of more powerful and dominant men on their backs soon to be extinct due to natural selection.


Geneva, Switzerland —  A new study published in the Journal of Darwinian Studies shows  that men willing to escalate other men above themselves will soon remove themselves from the gene pool.   Geneticists who conducted the study were not sure why men would idolize other men that they have never met, but stressed that, in the end, it would not matter.

“They will be gone within a few generations”  said study author Brandy Manning.   “Potential female mates for these men will eventually see that these men are practically begging them to notice smarter, larger, and more successful men.

According to Manning, the subjects are effectively saying to potential mates “I’m kind of a loser, but this guy, this guy who’s name is on my back… he’s fucking awesome!  You should probably try to mate with him”

Most of the subjects of the study came from the sporting world where it is very common for men to proclaim their affections for other men by wearing the objects name on their clothing.    Their inability to attract a mate not only stemmed from idolizing other strange men, but also the need to discuss ad nauseam their feelings about these men with like-minded men.

“Yes, they tend to pair bond based on the object of their affections.  This pair bonding reduced their already limited chance of mating with a viable female.”    When pressed for an explanation on this, Manning stated, frankly  “heterosexual men who freely advertise other men’s prowess  may have difficulty getting laid.  Not enough women want to fuck these dudes for their species to survive.”