Washington — Kid Rock announced his possible transition to public office during a performance at the annual Summer Freedom Slam Rock Festival on Lake Michigan last week. Kid took time in between songs to address his potential retirement from the summer slam rock circuit to pursue a cabinet position in the Trump administration.
“Yea man, we’ve totally spoken about it. We just need to figure out where my talents can best serve the big boss man. We are both each others favorite entertainers, so it’s gonna be fuckin’ wasted cool to work together”
Lewistown, PA — Thousands of Harley-Davison motorcyles riders converged on communities nationwide last Saturday to support a cause. Local residents we spoke to were unsure of the cause or how much support was raised. However, most residents reported being much more aware of very loud obnoxious noise during their normal Saturday routines.
When asked for comment, one rider was unsure of what they were supporting, but was very proud of the fact that he was sacrificing a Saturday afternoon to support a cause by doing something he was going to do anyway.
Catalina, CA — After learning about some local woman that were participating in “date nights”, Catalina resident Cynthia Powers was very excited and decided to plan her very own night on the town. Everything was going as planned until she notified her husband of her plans.
“He was very excited and seemed genuinely pleased, Cynthia recounted. I had no idea why until it hit me. He was planning on coming with me on the date! I was devastated. My entire evening. The spa, the meal, the after dinner drink at a hotel bar were all trashed. He actually though I wanted him to come with me. It was so sad I had to bring him along.”
When reached for comment, Cynthia’s husband Wade declared the evening was “the best night ever” and hoped to setup a recurring date night at least once a week. “You can’t buy that kind of quality time”, he added.
After conferring with friends, Cynthia confirmed that they do, in fact, include their husbands on date night, but are considering changing that policy.
happy man drinking beer
Florence, Indiana — Henderson County administrator James Perry remained confident on Sunday that replies to his recent dick pic, sent two days ago to some local females, would begin to fill his inbox. Despite having received zero replies in over 48 hours, James remained upbeat and expected some “very smokin’ hot” replies soon.
“Listen”, proclaimed James. ” My pastor says that if you sow a seed, you shall reap the harvest. And I’m confident that I’ll be harvesting some pussy from these fine ladies any time now.” “I totally trimmed up down there, so these were some classy shots”
When questioned about the recipients of the aforementioned photos. Mr. Perry explained that about “eight lucky ladies” received the pics, but was skeptical about hearing back from one, in particular; his neighbor. “She wants me, but she was angry I kicked her dog, so the picture is my olive branch, per say. I’m kind of hoping she reaches out and ah.. grabs.., or touches my olive branch, if you know what I mean.”